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As frustrating and desperate as it can feel at times, selecting the person you’re going to share your life with should require more discerning thought than most any other decision you make in your life. Just like you, being vulnerable (especially on the Internet) is a risk.

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As Mendez explains, many men feel fulfilled and accomplished when they see an opportunity to provide, even if it’s in simple ways like paying for a drink.

Perhaps more importantly, paying is a way for him to preen.

When those expectations aren’t met, the evening could end awkwardly.

She might be offended if he doesn’t let her pay; he might be annoyed if she doesn’t at least offer to chip in.

And when researchers at Chapman University recently surveyed more than 17,000 people on the topic of first-date finances, they found that 39% of women who offered to pay said they secretly hoped the men would not let them.

Meanwhile, 44% of women said they were annoyed when expected to help pay the bill. It’s just a first date dance move that—more often than not—leaves each person happy and satisfied.

When a man takes care to introduce you to his family and friends, he’s not only proud to show you off to the people who matter the most to him, but he clearly hopes they’ll love you as much as he does.

The idea is that you need to find someone who adores you… But initially, it means finding someone who gives you what you’re looking for without having to force the relationship to bloom. Dear Dignity Dater, Wow, I’m humbled by all the kind words you’ve been sending in response to my emails over the past few days.

So when he offers to pick up the tab, says Battista, “Let him.

Practice being courted.” Mendez agrees, and says letting him pay initially can be a small way of letting a relationship blossom.

The data seems to support her claim, at least to some extent.

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