Important questions to ask before dating

Eminent psychologist Karl Menninger said one of the most reliable gauges of a person’s emotional health as an adult was a stable, satisfying childhood.This doesn’t mean — of course — that you should automatically avoid someone who had a difficult upbringing. This question gets to the core of a person’s being.

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Follow up with questions about why the person become so passionate about this particular endeavor or emphasis. Which will give you a chance to share about your own most fascinating work experience.

Though lighthearted, this first date question gives your could-be partner the opportunity to exercise their storytelling abilities. Do you have a special place you like to visit regularly? Instead of asking the predictable ‘What’s your favorite kind of food?

If he watches TV and plays video games all day, you may have a couch potato on your hands.

This question is a must, considering not all of your time spent together in a long-term relationship can be candlelit and wine-filled. Where did you grow up, and what was your family like?

You’ll discover how particular your date is about his food, how adventurous his or her palate is, and if you share a love (or hatred) of mustard. What’s the most embarrassing concert you’ve ever attended? Maybe it’s a tiny trinket that represents a cherished person or memory. Get to know the people in your date’s life by asking about the most fascinating one. But the ability to speak is only one part of the equation—and not the most important part.

It’s easy to brag when you’re around someone new, who doesn’t know you quite yet. This first date question top break the ice will help you to discover your date’s priorities, passions and pursuits. Putting your date on the spot might make the first answer an awkward one; let him/her amend the answer as the night goes on. The best communication occurs with an even and equal exchange between two people.

Learning where your partner likes to go will provide insight into the person’s tastes and temperament. Though it might not lead to a long conversation, it does help you understand their personality. Or he or she could just be psyching herself up to finally try escargot. What toppings are needed to create the perfect burger? What obstacles does he/she define as the ‘hardest’? Even if the answer is a fun one, try to appreciate how strength was shown in weakness.

Assuming your date’s not a vegetarian, get the conversation going with a pretty innocent—but telling—question. Hearing your date brag about someone else might reveal more about him/her than a series of direct personal questions would. Now that you’re armed with some great first date questions, let’s review a few general guidelines for dating discourse: Listen as much or more than you talk Some people consider themselves skilled communicators because they can talk endlessly.

But you do want the assurance that the individual has insight into his or her family background and has sought to address lingering wounds and unhealthy patterns. If the individual responds with “I dunno,” that might be a red flag that he or she isn’t passionate about anything.

But you’re likely to get valuable insight from the person who answers —from traveling and their children to rock climbing or their church — that give you insight into their value system. No matter where they are in the career ladder, chances are your date will have at least one unusual or intriguing job to tell you about.

Should the relationship evolve, there will be plenty of time to get into weighty topics. Don’t dump If feeling inhibited is a problem for some people, others go to the opposite extreme: they use a date as an opportunity to purge and vent.

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