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He can’t or won’t be the husband and father that you seek, and it doesn’t matter if his reasons are due to culture, religion, or other things.

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But your case is different: you have dated this person for 9 month, you are 41, and you have a desire for a serious relationship that may involve having children.

I recommend you sit with your partner as soon as you can and ask about his commitment. Tell him how you feel by the fact that so few of his friends know about your relationship and how anxious you fell over the direction/uncertainty of your relationship.

At the time, I hated to hear this advice because I was that guy—the Muslim in a relationship with a non-Muslim girl that few of my friends knew about.

I rationalized this by telling myself we come from different cultural and religious backgrounds that I was not doing this to hurt her.Yes we come from different backgrounds but I did not do enough to understand her background.Of course I understand that in any relationship there is a period in the beginning where you may want to keep your relationship private, where you are still negotiating your differences.Someone who cares about you won’t keep you a secret. In fact, it’s clear to me that you know all that you need to know, you just want someone to affirm it for you. This situation is so common that over the nearly 2 decades of my life as an adult Muslim, it’s almost become cliché. You will lose more often than you win and for every hard-won, heart-wrenching victory born from arguments, tears, anger, lust, and love, there will be a million small and large losses that rob you of your self-respect.I don’t say this to hurt you, but I need to my words to pierce through any illusions you may be swaddling yourself in. When your illusions stop swaddling, and start choking you, and you finally have the strength to end it, you’ll be left half the woman you are now. Leave now while it hurts a little and you still have some dignity.Even when she told me that it bothered her, I did not listen.

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